PHEW!

Phew!
Phew!
Phew!

Finally!
That ridiculous Xeloda is gone. I felt so happy when swallowed the last pills this morning.
I have been waiting for this moment for months. Gosh..
Waiting for those pills to finish is like waiting for .. I dunno.. you tell me.

While I was on Xeloda, I have this hideous side effect. I already have sleeping problem even without the Xeloda. It is just a minor side effect, tho, but it was such a pain in the ass. Now that I was reviewing my medication intake and wrote them down while I was enjoying the Friends sitcom (with annoying background of my mom asking me questions that I don't even care), I realized that what I've been going thru for the past 8 months was the less common side effects of Xeloda.
These are what I experienced:
1. Insomnia (yeah.. even worse.. with the sleeping problem I have..)
2. Cough (HAH! double worse with the actual cough)
3. Swelling of the feet
4. Low white blood cell count (which then I had to take the Neupogen injection and nobody could do it right, except my friend Melissa and my cousin's friend, Didit)
5. Taste changes

Luckily, my appetite was still good. When everybody asked me about my appetite, they were just surprise to see me eat just anything - the whole tree if I have to. I myself am quiet surprise to see moi-meme that I have a good appetite. Except that I was just sick of eating steamed veggies. They're just so yuck..

Besides that I had good appetite, I still had my energy. Yes, baby, this crazy Stephanie just have 13 lives (4 more than a cat)!
I still have my busy schedule:
1. working full time at school's library
2. teaching piano after school and on weekends (luckily, my weekend student is a very talented and smart one. So, no harm and happy to do it)
3. working on my own association (which goes nowhere.. hahahaha..)
4. busy with another association
With all of the activities above that I do on daily basis, I still manage to be with my family - especially with my niece and nephew - and friends. Man.. I do have a busy schedule! 24 hours ain't enough for a girl like me.

But tonite.. I couldn't be any happier than to see my Xeloda is finito.
Even though I'm sick of eating veggies and fruits - please, never like them ever since I was small anyway, I am so looking forward to enter a new phase of my life. Especially the food! Yumm... All I have in mind for the past 2 weeks is this yummy salad, fresh juice.. Well, it's not that I didn't eat them at all, but I wonder why am I like this?

Hell with everything!
I'm getting my salad from The Coffee Bean tomorrow afternoon!!
Yeeeehaaaaaaaa....!!!

*toast*
To a new phase of life ...

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Over with Chemo and.. now what..?

So, about a month ago I went for my 7th chemo and CT Scan.
Surprisingly, nothing much happened with my lungs since the last chemo.. It just stays the same..
No improvement, but it's not getting worse as well..
Maybe my body just sick of chemo and it just rejects all kinds of chemical thing.. or not?
MUST BE.. Even I'm getting sick of eating healthy food. Really.
Lately I've been eating whatever food I feel like eating. From pancakes to fried rice, and ice cream to bubble drinks.
This last damn chemo.. I really had to struggle to get out of bed and make myself visible in the chemo room. Damn it was so hard. I just didn't want to do it at all. But I kept thinking: shit, if this isn't for you (Oliver), I won't do it. I would just escape from the hospital and take the very next flight to Jakarta.
Luckily, I managed to sit throughout the whole chemo session and fell asleep - and Ivan was next to me throughout the chemo. With Ivan, YES, we broke up. But it doesn't mean that we can't be friends, right? He's been my Chemo Buddy for Christ sake!
And until this minute, I still manage not so skip pills. The last 2 chemos, I didn't even care taking the pills or not. Sometimes I even did it on purpose.

And now...

Well, November 14th I will have another CT Scan. God forbid.. PLEASEEEEEEE... no more weird spreading.
As my onco said: we just wait and watch.. Dude, you scared the shit out of me.

*sigh*
That's exactly what I'm gonna do now.. WATCH and SEE..
Meanwhile, I'm starting to become a vegan freak again as soon as the Xeloda's finished.

I can't wait!!

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2 More To Go

So not happy with chemo.
I just arrived from Singapore last week and I'm not looking forward to do chemo anymore.

I'm experiencing bitterness on my tongue after this chemo. It just feels uncomfy. More tired and easily annoyed.. it's just different.

What I noticed as well.. Well.. it started from when Ivan, maybe, just jokingly asked for my egg so he and his wify can have a baby. Things went wrong with her egg, that's why. I was so pissed and mad, and, as usual, I never really show it to anyone - including him. I was boiling, tho, for 5 minutes, but that was it. So he thought I was really mad at him - which I did, for 5 minutes. He texted me several days after and I responded as usual but it just seemed different even though I was not mad at him anymore. To cut story short, regardless what happened between us, he was still there for me during chemo - and he got me a really nice DKNY blouse! What saddend me was that we didn't talk much at that day. I usually want him to be near me until the last boarding call in Changi. This time, I couldn't say anything much but to let him go and got in different cab. My mood was not good at all.

What more is, since I'm no mood for taking any chemo, today I completely forgot to take my chemo pills! Good work, Steph..

Count down.. 2 more chemo to go. The doc said that we should see again in 3 weeks time. So, on .. if I'm not mistake.. the 11th of Sept I'll have a CT Scan and have to drink that tasteless pee-water (according to Ivan) and see the doctor. If the CT Scan shows same result as the last CT Scan, then we'll take a break. If the result shows that the spots are fewer, then we'll go on with the chemo 2 more times. Damn it!

Last, on next chemo.. my sister better come with me instead of my mom.

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Where the hell have you been?

Yes, I know it’s been awhile since I write. No news doesn’t mean a not good news, tho. In fact, I’ve been trying to enjoy my life … with my baldness.


I took a month break from chemo. Well, it’s not really a break. After 4 chemotherapies, I decided not to continue anymore. There are actually 8 chemos in all, but I just couldn’t take the side effect of it anymore. Every time after chemo, I always have this unbelievable nausea – even though it’s only just for couple days. So, after the 3rd chemo, I decided the 4th would be the last one.

I even tried to escape from the clinic when I was about to get the 4th one, but Ivan followed me around. So, how could I? Fat chance! I took it anyway, with heavy heart in me. I kept telling Ivan during chemo that that chemo would be the last one and no more after that one. Even the oncologist just had to let me go after the 4th chemo. After 3 weeks (or was that 4?), I came back to the hospital and did some check up, and my mind was set to the decision that I was not going to take chemo anymore. Maybe, in my oncologist’s term that would be giving your body a holiday. I thought, hell with it! I ain’t takin’ it anymore. So, I got out of the hospital happily with my mom and Ivan.

Of course, when I arrived home at Jakarta, I felt so good sleeping without the nausea, diarrhea, and muscle pain. But then, everyone at home was asking me why didn’t I take the chemo. I could only smile and tell them: if only you have cancer and in my position, you bitch. I knew it wasn’t a right decision. Everybody slowly kept telling me to continue with the chemo – even Oliver told me to just finish it. Crap double crap!

So, here I am now.. took the 5th chemo last week, Nausea was hell. It was the first time in my chemo life that I vomited 5 times in a day. But I’m okey now. I’ve gained some weight (please, you don’t wanna know how much I weigh now), back to work as usual, and have been busy with lots of things.

Now, let me concentrate on my new association for professional young adults in their 20s to 30s with cancer: Living with Cancer Society.

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Bald with Bling!

Wednesday, April 16, I've experienced my first hair loss.
I was in between shock and flat feeling. Well, shock first. But then I told my self to calm down, and take a shower. Stupid me, I even washed my hair. Goodness Lord! It was more on my hand.
What the heck.. shower anyway. They day went just fine, till the end of the day at work where I noticed lots of hair on the floor.
I was hoping that the hair loss wouldn't be too severe. But I heard that since I took Oxaliplatin before, and I didn't have any hair loss, so maybe the drug said: Pay Back Time!!
Oh crap..!
Well, at least I already prepared myself. After family picture taking 2 weeks ago, I cut my hair short. In a way I was preparing not only myself, but also friends and family. I thought that they're the one who have to be prepared looking at me with different hairstyle.
So, this short hair last exactly 2 weeks.
Just last Sunday, April 20, I shaved it off. BALD. I was not ready to see bald patches around my head (So as Jace from planetcancer)
I reject wigs. My friends, aunties, even mom told me to wear wig. But I think they look fake. So I decided to wear scarf around my head. Look much better.

My first show of bald with bling to public was yesterday. I wore batik scarf around my head, and it looked good! Too bad I didn't take picture with that thing on my head.

But you know what.. I just noticed that not only the hair on my head that falls out, but also some other parts.. you know what I mean..? hhahaaha.. At least I don't need to do bikini wax for awhile. It's clean on its own! hahahahaha...

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What the hell..?

First, it was colon cancer. I went through it, and on October I was free from it.
Then I got Ovarian cancer. Had the surgery, and I coped with it.
Now, lung cancer.

My goodness!!!

Luckily it was detected early.
Funny thing is that I don't have the symptoms. Really.

Let's fight again now..

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Guess what I tried!
This is just an experiment, try this at your own risk.
It's Fried Vegetarian Soba.
If you ask me how is it taste, it actually taste like feet. Hahaha..
But, it never hurts to try.

Ingredients:
Shallots (chop into small pieces)
Garlic (chop into small pieces)
Onion (cut in half and chop into half circle)
Rosemary leaves
Mushrooms (lots.. lots.. and lots of them, chop to 3 pieces each)
Paprika (use half of it, take out the seeds, and cut into pieces)
Cherri tomato (3 pieces, and cut in half)
Soba (cook it just like you cook spaghetti. 2 minutes in boiling water. Drain and wash it with cold water. Put aside)
1 tbs. Olive Oil or Coconut Oil
Rock salt

1. Cook Shallots, garlic, rosemary leaves with olive oil or coconut oil, preferably coconut oil.
2. Add chopped onion, cook until the color turns a bit golden.
3. Add mushrooms, paprika, cherri tomato.
4. Throw a pinch of rock salt
Once everything smells good, toss in the cooked soba and add a drizzle of the oil.
Mix the in the pan.
Don't over cook.
Ready to serve!

Bon appetit!

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