That damn tumor!

Bloody tumor that was trying to kill me!

Dimension:
8 x 16 cm

Date of picture taken:
January 10, 2008

Picture taken by:
Uuuh... I think it was the surgeon

Estimated time of surgery:
4 to 5 hours

Actual time of surgery:
Less than 1 hour

Estimated hospitalization time:
2 weeks

Actual hospitalization time:
3 days

Name of people waiting outside the surgery room:
Ibu Dedeq, Ibu Lesna, Ibu Annie, and my darling, Ivan

My waiting troop
before I went to the Operation Theatre

Human Delivery fresh from the Operation Theatre

So.. what happened after that?

Well, the tumor was somewhere behind the right ovary. Luckily, it did not stick to the ovary.
Phew!
What the docs did : they threw out my right ovary and the eggs from the right ovary. The left ovary is safe. Hallelujah! But to keep me safe - knowing I was so stressed out that I may not be able to bear any children - they keep the eggs from the left ovary. In short they freeze my eggs, and, yes, I'm on my menopause now.

So, how am I going to have children? There are 2 options.
First option: have my eggs planted on other woman's and have that woman pregnant with my eggs and my chosen man's sperm. It's like a surrogate mother. A bit complicated, but I think that's what they meant.
Second option: I could get pregnant again. How? I need to have these hormones injected first so that I can get my menstruation again. After I get my menstruation again, they'll insert my eggs back to me (I dunno how they're going to do it, but they say they can!), and I can get pregnant again. However, that can only happen if I don't take chemotherapy this year. If I take another set of chemotherapy this year, I will have to wait for 5 years in order to get pregnant. Why? Because my body would need 5 years to be clean - including clean from the chemotherapy drugs.
Doesn't really make any difference, huh? Even now I still have to wait for another 4 years to be able to get pregnant since my chemo drugs still flowing in my bloodstream. The effects are still with me: numb hands, feet feels like there are rocks inside, and easily get leg(s) cramp.

And the next plan is..??

I have no idea what's the next plan.. At first I was so eager to get another chemo and deal with bloody tumor as I was sooooooo afraid that there could be some itsy bitsy tumor still spreading here and there, but then I don't even give a shit. Not that I give up on my own life. I just don't want to deal with any more chemo. Imagine if I have to take another set. Another nausea.. another excuse.. bla.. bla.. bla.. mbeeeeek... I'm just sick of it and I'm sure that there's another way to get this shit out of me.
And guess what? THERE IS OTHER WAY OUT. Well, this one is not from my doc in Singapore, tho. The smart guy in S'pore said that I still need to take the chemo. 1 level higher than the one I took plus another so-called magic infusion called Avastin. Hell with it. My other way out is to change my lifestyle. Didn't I do that already..? Yes, I did. But this time I have to switch a little bit. If yesterday I only turned 45 degrees, this time it has to be 90 degrees. Didn't get what I mean? So do I. Anyway, there was this voice that keep telling me to consume just veggies and fruits. Meaning, I have to be a vegetarian. No meat, no sugar, nothing!
Oh, No!!!!!!!
Well, fat chance! I have to be cured and it has to start now!

Being a vegetarian is no joke. It takes lots of courage to do this, especially me who never like veggies and fruits. I started with being a half vegan. For fun I still drank Milo, Ovaltine but already off the ice cream. Wanted to cry when I had to say good-bye to ice cream. Is like leaving my diamonds behind! My last taste of ice cream was on Valentine's day. Not that I romantically ate ice cream with my boyfriend. Dream on, s'il te plait... It was on my niece's birthday party. The ice cream tasted so gooooooood that I started to think it was even better than having sex. Well, sex is always better than anything. Hehehe.. Pervert-menopause-bitch!
However, I can see the benefit of this already. I'm a bit leaner that I was in January. Actually, I've lost weight, just no too obvious. My boyfriend keep nagging me on my weight: "55 and that's enough, sayang! Keep on the same weight. Don't lose, don't gain too much" Man, sometimes I just want to choke him. Anyway, I feel that my body is healthier, my skin is glowing, and, if I'm looking at myself right, I have flat tummy (of course, the tummy tuck helps as well but visible appearance won't be too obvious until May).

I think I'm happy the way I am now. I really take care of me (Oh, yeah, you, too, sweety. You really take care of me. Even though sometimes your worry towards my health really gets on my fucking nerve, I know you mean good. Thank you, sayang!)
Really. He makes sure that I eat my vitamins, the oat brans, eat right, etc. My family is always there for me. My sister especially. My sister makes me feel like a normal healthy human being. I bet she's worry sick about my health, but in front of me she really treats me as a person.

Ah, well..

BTW, these are my troops in Singapore while I was at my lowest..


From left to right:
Ibu Lesna (or we usually call her: Mami), Ibu Annie (that's my mom at the back), Ibu Dedeq (we call her Mbak Dedeq, or we usually tease her as Ibu Bandar), Mas Nanang (a good friend who's always there for us, especially me. Or not..??)

Ivan (or Ipan as we always tease him. He's the one who make sure that I take my vits, eat right, home early, eat my brans, etc.) Talkative, but love him anyway (hey, that's all I got for now..!)

Sphere: Related Content

New Year, New Verdict

Ugh.. dunno what to say anymore..

It's been a year since the New Year, and let me wish you all a good new year.. may all your wish come true (just like a birthday wish).

Anyway, what's your new year resolution (say, plan for the whole year)?
My plan was:
1. Start a family with godknowswhothefatheris.
2. Work better.

It's nice don't you think to start a new year with something that you can actually work on. Membuat suasana lebih bersemangat '45 bak melawan Kompeni.
Actually, I had a splendid New Year Party. Ada keluarga yang annoying, ada keluarga yang loveable, ada good friend yang udah kayak keluarga (it's fun to have you around, Adi! Taon depabn lagi ya kalo gue masih 'idup. Hehehehe)

For me.. this new year is like piece of shit that I need to fight and it's devastating.

Picture it, 2 January 2008, Blok A bagian jualan atribut pertukangan rumah. 10 AM-ish, my boyfriend, Ivan, called me from Singapore while I was asking things about car battery. Baru ngomong sebentar, dan tiba2: ZOOMP! Stomach cramp. I thought, I must've been eating like a goat that has not been fed for the past 2 years. Maklum, dari tanggal 21 December I was partying non-stop: Midodareni, my brother's birthday, Ijab Kabul, Reception, Christams Dinner, Christmas Lunch, my Birthday, cancer free celebration, New Year Eve, New Year brunch, New Year lunch, Cheese Nachos snack when Adi and I had when we watched Quickie Express (my cute brother had Pocky).. Mampus aja gak sih..??? Dikit dikit tapi membukit. Tapi while I had that cramp, I felt quilty a bit. I said to myself: Ya, Oroooooh... New Year's gift'nya mantep bener yak???
Jalanlah gue dari tempat beli aki, ke mobil. Akhirnya gue suruh supir gue yang nungguin, dan gue di mobil langsung telpon Ibu Bandar (my sister that is..) minta dianterin ke Medistra. She was panicked - hey, me, too! Untung jarak Blok-A ke Darmawangsa deket. Begitu supir masuk mobil, gue langsung minta dianterin ke rumah kakak gue toute de suite! Mana supir gue udah rada toku, nyupir juga 40 km/jam. Asli, gue udah gak tahan.

Sampe rumah kakak gue, my super cute nephew, Fox, menyambut gue dengan gembira alias minta jalan2. Biasalah, kalo gue sampe pasti dia nodong buat jalan2. Keliling komplek aja udah hepi joli dia. Jangankan keliling komplek, mobil gue keluarin garasi trus gue masukin garasi aja dia udah kesetanan. Yang penting sama tante'nya. But at that time, I just couldn't do anything. Face was pale as a cotton - atau tepatnya kayak orang abis liat pocong di depan mata. Kakak gue turun, dan langsung angkut gue ke Medistra. Kaki gue di mobil udah dipijitin sama nanny'nya ponakan gue. Fox bolak balik nanya gue "what happened, auntie Nina?", "Auntie Nina ouwie..?", "Auntie Nina ouwie, hospital, airport, Singapore..?" Sebenernya, what a relieve juga knowing when you just got hit with something and this little boy is next to you squeezing your hand. Kayaknya anak kecil aja ngerti that everything is going to be just fine.

Anyway, I couldn't do much in the car. I had breathing trouble as well just like when I had heartburn from eating 2 pans of Domino Pizza. I couldn't even answer Ivan's phone call, so I just gave my phone to my sister and let her tell him what's going on with me. He also couldn't believe it, just 15 minutes ago he called me and I was fine. Now, I was rushed to the hospital.

Lucunya, sampe di Medistra, the pain was slowly gone. Tinggal bekas sakitnya aja yang ada. Since I have a history of colon cancer, the doctor suggested me to have another CT Scan. I passed all the trouble of having the needle poked here and there, and I had to stay in the hospital for a day or two.

Ever since I was in the room, the put the sign PUASA for - according to them - monitor. Tapi udah sampe' malem tulisan PUASA tadi itu masih juga nempel. So, kepalaran lah si pasien Stephanie Widyani ini. Mulai gelisah nih.. Remote TV aja bisa gue makan. Akhirnya, jam 9-10'an gue boleh minum SETEGUK. Kampret! Tapi ya udahlah.. better than nothing. Akhirnya ditawarin makan juga sih, tapi gue cuma bisa makan yang lembut2 dan gue pilih oatmeal.
Selama puasa tadi, sebenernya kakak & oom gue udah dapet jawaban dari dokter regarding the new CT Scan. Kakak gue nan nekat mah bisa aja, kalo Medistra aja sih bisa diubek2 sama dia. And she told me that it's just from the food. Everything's going to be fine. From her eyes I could tell that she's lying. Dan setiap gue pelototin itu mata, mata dia gradually berubah jadi mata yang jujur. Damn it!
Akhirnya para pengunjung pasien si gile Stephanie pulang juga. Kamar udah kayak Casino. Maklum. New Year Spirit untuk berjudi masih nempel di pribadi pengunjung. Dasar Batak! Kagak tahan liat kartu dan duit nangkring. Give them beer or coffee jadilah Mickey Mouse Casino. Yang nemenin gue semalam: my handsome little brother. Suster2nya bolak balik aja ke kamar gue. Blagak aplusan lah.. ganti ini lah.. ngecek infus lah.. masa' gue jam 5 pagi dibangunin disuruh mandi juga biar mereka bisa lirik adek gue??? Ngebayang gak sih loooooo... Dalam hati gue: if only you all bitches knew.. Hehehehe..

Next morning, the doctor asked me to stay another day for further monitor. I was like: what..??? Do I really need to?
I was so eager to get out fo the hospital. My boyfriend even thought that the hospital was trying to make profit out of my sickness. Crap!
Jam 2'an, the doctor, my sister, and my brother in law came with the news. Adi had to get out from my room for awhile.
This is what the doctor told me:

"Okey. Tadi pagi waktu saya datang, saya bohong. Dari CT Scan yang paling baru, kita menemukan massa. Kita bisa predict kalau itu a new tumor growing tapi bukan di colon. Lokasinya ada dekat ovary. This has to be taken out immediately. Saran saya, karena dokter chemo kamu yang di singapore punya data lebih akurat, kamu ke singapore sekarang juga."

Ternyata, Ibu Bandar sudah bekerja secepat kilat. She actually found out the nite before and fax everything to my oncologist in Singapore.
I could get my butt out from the hospital and went home right after the doctor left.

So, we arrived in Spore on Friday by noon and went directly to the hospital (ya mampir hotel dulu lempar koper tanpa keluar dari taxi). Ivan was already in the hospital. Our appointment was at 1 PM.
Masuk ke ruang dokter (nunggu dulu sih.. diluar). The 3 of us sat there, dan dokternya mulai nanya "what's going on Stephanie?"
Hey, I wish I knew, dude. I gave a little flashback of what was going on. Kita bawa hasil CT Scan, dan dokter membandingkan dengan hasil CT Scan yang paling terakhir (October 29, 2007). Perbedaannya banyak sekali. Kita bolak balik nanya, does it have anything to do with activities, food, or what-so-ever? Jawabannya: TIDAK. Andaikata ada, ANDAIKATA, biasanya tumor tumbuh in 3 or more years. Tapi ini harus di remove as soon as possible.
In short, he was amazed. Nah, loh! Dokter aja bingung apalagi kita yak..?? Dan menurut dia, this is the first case in Singapore. Bloody.. what am I a famous sicko now??

Abis itu kita ke Colorectal Surgeon, atas saran dokter chemo gue. Dokternya ya agak2 culun, tapi jabatannya professor, bo! Head and Senior Consultant Division of Colorectal Surgery. Nothing can go wrong from the title. This time the doctor explained, in my opinion, very detail.

YES! The fucking tumor is on the ovary. Left side. Ganas apa tidak? Tidak tau. But this has to be removed ASAP.
Now, once he remove the tumor meaning he has to remove both ovaries. Which means I'll be in menopouse after the surgery, which means I CANNOT HAVE BABIES ANYMORE.
He gave me options of freezing my eggs so that I can use it in later time. In fact there'll be a doctor from Holland who.. ngapain ya dia..??? kok jadi lupa gini..? Gak bisa mikir tepatnya. Kalo gak salah dokter Holland ini punya metode baru untuk punya anak buat orang yang gak bisa punya anak lagi. Telurnya dipecah2, terus ntah diapain. Dokternya aja baru dateng besok (Tues., 8 Jan, '08) It's Singapore first break tghru - katanya. And this will be the first case in Singapore. Am I happy..?? 50-50. Tapi gue gak begitu mengharapkan banget. Let God decide. Say, gue pake juga akhirnya metode super canggih itu, tapi tetep aja kan gue gak tau hasilnya gimana. Buat mereka aja baru pertama kali, getoooh..

For all I know, I can't have babies anymore. Kandas sudah harapan untuk berkeluarga dan punya anak dari darah daging sendiri. Adoption is not an option for me, and don't you dare tell me that I can always adopt a baby. Berani2nya ngomong gitu, ovaries loe yang gue ambil and see how you go by that! Kalo loe cowok, titit loe yang gue potong. Hahahahaha..
At 30, I'm now slowing down of everything. Cari suami aja udah keburu males. Paling mentok gue dapet duda (again!) dengan anak 6 yang emaknya udah koit dan perlu emak baru.

Just like I told my boyfriend and my sister: at least now I can always cross out Pads and Pantyliners out of my grocery list, and can have sex without having to worry of getting pregnant and have a little bastard. Hehehehehe...

My period just ended yesterday. And that was the last menstruation I had in my life. As of Thursday, 10 Jan '08, after the surgery, I'll be experiencing what all 50-year old women experience: Menopause.

I'll be staying in Singapore for a month. Inggris gue bisa kacau begini caranya. This is my cell number in Singapore: +6594482822.
Cheer me up, send me lame jokes, we can even do video call..
I miss home already.. I want to be with my nephew and my super smart niece.. but I have to hold my tears back and be strong.

If I can beat that son-of-a-bitch called cancer, there's no reason for me to be unable to fight this satan.


Happy New Year, everybody.



Stephanie
Your crazy-nonstop talking-friend who cannot think straight anymore

Sphere: Related Content

Singapore Cancer Free Celebration!

Let's Celebrate!!

My and my sis checked out from the hotel and went to our very good friend's restaurant where he works there as the Head Chef for a company called One Concepts. The restaurant he currently works is TBone - which stands for Tiong Baru One.

What did we do there?
1. Visit a good friend
2. Celebrate Cancer Free with a good friend

We've known him for ages I guess. Oh, by the way, his name is Permana - we call him Nanang. And he's a good cook! Great, malah..
God knows how he got that sense of cooking. I wish I could be like him - have a good sense of cooking. Even sometimes I have to text him all the way to New Zealand just to ask whether a baking soda is the same as baking powder. Stupid me, even if he say that it's different and put poison instead I probably might do it.

How he ends up in Singapore? Good question..
He got an offer while he was still in NZ. We talked about it over the Messenger, and I think I managed to persuade him to move to Singapore. C'mon, it's way much closer to home. Besides, he can go back and forth Singapore-Jakarta to visit the family. And it's true. Last Lebaran, he went back to Jakarta to be with his family. And he must be very happy. His family must be happy. I can't imagine him in NZ celebrating Lebaran. Ugh..

So, there at TBone he got us 1 hell a big steak. If I clearly remember, he said it was only 700 grams - which we all can share eating. T-Bone steak marinated with .. pepper?? God knows.. With mushroom sauce on the side. Served with salad that I couldn't eat (my sister ate it), and wedges (love this one!). Hey, it's a celebration. I know I should not be eating that much of food. So, I made a promise to myself: No beef until January!

Seriously, we ate too much that day. After we finished eating, he then told us that the steak was actually 1 kg!!
For God sake, man!! What are you trying to do, kill me????

But it was really good.

Too bad we couldn't stay longer. We've got other things to do before we leave Singapore.

But for sure, in 10 years, he'll make it big as Chef Nanang or Chef Permana.
TV shows, cooking books, biography, maybe even his own brand.
You'll never know.

Congratulation, Mas Nanang!

We're so damn proud of you..

Sphere: Related Content

8th CHEMO - At Last!

FINALLY!

My LAST CHEMO!!


I left the hotel at 8:00 for my 8:50 PT Scan. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a cab right away. Business people were lining up. So, gotta beeeeeee patient a tiny bit. When I finally got a cab, told the driver to speed up a bit. Well, they don't drive like the way I drive. Singapore always has rules for this and that including speed limit. But it was a rush hour so not much can do there lah! It was almost 8:50 when I got in the cab and Ivan was in the hospital already waiting for me. He's an on-time baby. God knows how many times he checked on me just to make sure I was in the bloody cab. Of course I was late when I got there and he was in the lobby with his laptop browsing I dunno what. Gave him a good morning kiss on the head, left him there again, and ran straight to the Imaging Center.

First thing to do in the hospital was to get the CT Scan done. I'd been fasting since 6:30 in the morning, and felt so hungry and thirsty by the time I arrived at the hospital. Believe me, even my boyfriend's thumb looked so yummy. After I registered at the Imaging Center, they gave me this yellow colored drink. The nurses said that it wasn't suppose to taste good. Hell with it! I was thirsty and according to thirsty Stephanie: GOOD!
If I thought about it over again, it was actually taste like a stale Lemon Juice. YUCK!
So, drank that 09:30. Enjoy the drink? Gila apa..???? Blagak enjoy aja dech. My Ivan aja yang kept asking: how's it, sayang..? enak, sayang..? Dalam hati gue: abis ini loe yang gue seret buat chemo. Bolak balik nanya lagi..


While waiting for the next drink at 09:50, I went up to the 8th floor to get the FULL blood test. First torture of poking the needles begun. CRAP! These people don't know how to find my veins. Sure, they kept telling me: oooh, you have such fine veins.. it's a princess (whatever lah!) Tapping my arms just to get the veins, it's just soooo.. blah.
It's very different than Indonesia. The nurses in Indonesia are able to to find my veins in a second, and... it doesn't hurt.
Tapi gak segitu kerasa kali ini. Mungkin karena around me there were Ivan and my sis. Yeah, as usual, my sis ya sibuk sendiri. Sibuk ambil photo sana sini. Terutama ambil foto gue pas lagi disuntik. Dan selalu nge'guyon gak jelas. Meanwhile, Ivan mukanya sudah memelas gak tega liat gue ditusuk2. Tapi apa dikata, blood test must go on.

After the blood test - and still couldn't eat yet, I went back down to the Imaging Center to get the CT Scan. Drank the last gulp of the pee-like drink, changed and used the robe, and wait there along with the Singaporean grandmas and grandpas. Begitu dipanggil.. jantung gue rasanya dah mau copot. I didn't remember that they were going to INJECT something again to my hand. Duh! How can I forgot. I did this on my first chemo. And now I had to do it again. Ya uwes. Pasrah aja dah loe.
Tusuk lagi.. tusuk lagi.. Enakan ditusuk di tempat lain kali yah daripada ditusuk di tangan pake jarum.. HAHAHAHAHAHA..
Tangan gue rasanya sakiiiiiiit banget waktu dimasukin cairan buat highlight seluruh badan gue. What worse was that they were going to put some liquid into my anus to highlight the pelvis. Bayangkan! ada botol yang harus dimasukin ke pantat gue. Gila, bo!!! Anal sex aja gue tolak mentah2, itu lagi.. Go to hell, dude!! Tapi setelah tawar menawar, akhirnya gak jadi juga.
PHEW!
Kalo sampe kejadian mati lah gue.. Gak tau lagi bakal jadi apaan gue. Jalannya dah pengkor kali..

Anyway, done with CT Scan. I could finally eat!
Damn, I was so hungry. I ate roast hainamese chicken rice, Ivan ate nasi Padang, and my sis ate Yong Tau Foo. Lunch was good, as well as the talk. Disini gue bener2 bisa liat that they, Ivan and my sis, really care for me. Mereka selalu memastikan that I got enough nutrients. Ntah mereka maksa apa gimana tapi gue dipaksa makan buah mulu. Telen aja deh. Dari pada rame..

To kill the time till 2 PM, me and Ivan sat down on the sofa at the lobby. Cuddle up in public, make everybody jealous (gak penting deh!), relax.. serasa dunia milik kita berdua yang lain cuma numpang. Ahhahahahahahaha.. Sampe TENG! dah waktunya naik - belum banget sih.. tapi Ivan gak mau telat aja. Duile, bo! dari lobby ke lantai 8 doang gitu.. Again, ngikut aja dech. BTW, yang di chemo gue kenapa yang semangat dia yah..? *garuk garuk*

Akhirnya kita ketemu sang dokter juga. Setelah di tensi.. cek sana sini.. Baru dech masuk dipanggil dokter.
Dokternya yaaaa.. lumayan lah. Buat ukuran orang Singapore mungkin he's quiet a catch. Hehehehe.. Tapiiiiii.. asal pitaknya ditutupin. Every time my sister and I went to his practice room, he looks happy. Ada hiburan gretong kali yeh.. Si mbak lagi, wuiiiih.. kalo nganterin gue ke dokter atribut dandan dan gaya gak pernah lepas. Kadang pake belahan dada yang ampun ampun bikin dokter pusing (tukang taxi aja puyeng liatnya..). Meanwhile, gue ala kadarnya tapi masih tetep oke lah (gak mau kalah bener dah gue..) Hihihihi...Dasarnya aja gue gak mau repot. Abis itu tangan kebas, bo. Have mercy, dech..

So, what did the doctor said..? *dug.. dug.. dug..*
He said that that everything was good!
From the scan, it shows no spread of of cancer cells.
EVERYTHING IS FINE!

yeeeeeeeehhaaaaaa...!!!!

I couldn’t be happier.
Especially my sister – Ibu Bandar hehehehe.
Well, Ivan didn’t hear the whole thing since he was outside waiting. I think he just couldn’t bear listen to whatever the doctor would say about me.
I couldn’t even picture how happy I was. Happy but still confuse: is that it??
I realized that the label Stage 3 Colon Cancer will always be with me for the rest of my life. Even though I’m free, but it doesn’t mean that I’m completely free. It’s a heditary disease, so I better watch out. It is now the part that I really have to pay attention to everything I do.

BTW, I don’t know when my sister find the time to send SMS to everybody in her phone book about this good news. But this is what she sent:

We thank God 4 our Good News.
Final CT Scan of Stephanie showed NO evidence of cancer spreading J
Penyebaran sel2 kanker berhasil diSTOP.
Bersyukur, hari ini Chemoteraphy yang terakhir.
Thanks untuk doa yang diberikan.

Now, chemo time!
Ivan was next to me holding my hand when the nurses were trying to find my vein. I was squeezing his hand so hard that he couldn’t stand it anymore and called my sis to take his place. Hahahahaha.. I just don’t understand why the nurses started with my arm instead of my hand. It was supposed to start with my hand first, then if they still cannot find it they should go up to my arm and so on. Ah, they know better.. what do I know except screaming my heart out?

After the needle went in, Ivan has the guts to came back to the chemo booth.

There we sat for about 2 hours long. Just me & Ivan. Waiting for the chemo infusion to finish. He was surprise to see how strong I was (according to him) that I didn’t scream and was able to pull myself together. He said that I was strong. Really? I didn’t realize that.
It was nice to be accompanied by someone you love during that painful time.
Numbness on my left hand started just 30 minutes before the chemo was done. And it’s time to take the needle out. Phew!
Wait.
No “phew”.
It was AARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH….! Breath in, breath out.. Hold your breath..
Even Ivan had to hug me from the side, closed my eyes and didn’t let me see the whole thing until the needle was out. And finally it was out. And by 6 PM we were out of the hospital, heading to the Grand Hyatt by cab. My sister dropped us at the looby, and she went straight to the mall did some shopping.

Ivan & I just relaxed for awhile in the room. Hey, couldn’t do much here. Left still numb and in pain. So, we just wait in the room till we get hungry. Take some pics just like banci foto getoooooh…

Please, deh.. nothing to do here for us.

No matter how tired I was.. I was happy with the last chemo. Surrounded by the people you love and have the Good News.

I survive cancer!

Sphere: Related Content

Leaving for last chemo

Sunday morning I left Jakarta for my last chemo.
Excited? I dunno for sure.
I was excited to see my boyfriend and my good friend - oh, going to Singapore is now so much fun!
So, arrived there in the afternoon. Went here and there with my sister while waiting for those two people done working.

In the evening, my boyfriend got off from work and we met in CK Tang. Well, I left my sister at Zara and let her have fun with all the shopping - meanwhile my friend Nanang was still busy somewhere in the kitchen. So, continue with my bf. We went to Dome at Shaw. A cup of coffee for him, and a cup of weird taste tea for me. Ah, well..

Then my sister and Nanang came along. Good chat and laugh at Dome till we all got hungry. As usual, Nanang came up with the idea of having dinner at the Marina.

Nanang has good taste in choosing food. Yeah, no wonder. He's a chef of course! He knows what he's doing. We had crab, fried mantau, yummy kailan (just for me!), steamed fish (ordered especially for me, again). Goodness, I don't even remember what we ordered. I could only remember that Ivan was looking at me all the time because I ate the veggies like a hungry dragon - yes, darling, it's me who ate all the greens!

Hang out with the people you love with was so much fun. Really!
I'd rather have them around me when I have my chemo instead of my mum. Not that I don't love her, but I'd rather have people who don't talk much during my chemo (ie: cheer me up).

*sigh*
Let the last torture of chemo ends tomorrow..

Sphere: Related Content

St. Peregrine - patron of cancer patients

I recently do the novena prayer for my cancer to this saint whose name is Peregrine. He's a patron of cancer patients.
I found out about him when I went through my dad's drawer. So I guess my dad also did the novena to St. Peregrine.

Here's an outline about St. Peregrine, which I took from Catholic Online.

Peregrine Laziosi was born of a wealthy family at Forli, Italy, in 1260. As a youth he was active in politics as a member of the anti-papal party. During one uprising, which the Pope sent St. Philip Benizi to mediate, Philip was struck in the face by Peregrine. When Philip offered the other cheek, Peregrine was so overcome that he repented and converted to Catholicism. Following the instructions of the Virgin Mary received in a vision, Peregrine went to Siena and joined the Servites. It is believed that he never allowed himself to sit down for thirty years, while as far as possible, observing silence and solitude. Sometime later, Peregrine was sent to Forli to found a new house of the Servite Order. An ideal priest, he had a reputation for fervent preaching and being a good confessor. When he was afflicted with cancer of the foot and amputation had been decided upon, he spent the night before the operation, in prayer. The following morning he was completely cured. This miracle caused his reputation to become widespread. He died in 1345 at the age of eighty-five, and he was canonized by Pope Benedict XIII in 1726. St. Peregrine, like St. Paul, was in open defiance of the Church as a youth. Once given the grace of conversion he became one of the great saints of his time. His great fervor and qualities as a confessor brought many back to the true Faith. Afflicted with cancer, Peregrine turned to God and was richly rewarded for his Faith, enabling him over many years to lead others to the truth. He is the patron of cancer patients.

Sphere: Related Content

Wish me luck for the Last Chemo

Wish me luck y'all!
On Monday I'll be getting my last chemotherapy.

This time I'll be staying in S'pore a liiiiiiiitle bit longer - yeah, that means I'll be taking 2 days off from work (yippiiiiie). Be leaving Jakarta on Sunday morning with my sister ONLY.
My appointment with the doc is actually on Monday, but in the morning.
The doc said that I'll have to take the full blood test and the CT Scan there - since it's my last treatment.
Damn it! Another blood test. Another poking here and there on my hand. Now some of my fingers are numb, poking here and there just gonna make it worse. *sigh*
And the CT scan.. nooooo!
The CT Scan itself doesn't hurt a bit. It's just scanning my body. That's all. What I cannot stand is the injection to highlight whatever in my body for scanning.
Ugh, let that be my joy of pain on Monday.

Even though I'm scared to face this last chemo, somewhere in my heart I feel a bit relief. Perhaps it's the fact that my friend (or TTMB - teman tapi mesra banget. Oh, please dech.. hare geneee..), the so-called boyfriend (my sister said: "he's the complete reincarnation of your husband!") who's willing to take a day off from his work to take me to the hospital and reschedule all his work for Tuesday as well, and last: my sister..they'll be around me during my last chemo.

But even though they're there for me, deep deep deep inside I'm still scared to face this last chemo:
What else the doc's going to say?
Is my cancer spreading?
Do I need to go through another 8 set of chemo again (hopefully, not!)?
I'm so hoping that this son-of-a-bitch cancer is not spreading.

Yes, I haven't been a good girl lately.
For the love of food..
Can't really pull myself together when it comes to food.
My vegetables and fruit intake is quiet low - according to my boyfriend, and I hate to say that he's right.
Not only that, he even noticed that my water intake is somehow not enough - again, I can really punch him for being right all the time.
Well, this is more like a food confession from me: I even ate my niece KFC leftover. Even though it's just the bones I crunch, it's not like I'm inhaling the whole chicken. I also still eat some fried food - last week I found Tempe Goreng that my niece's nanny made at my sister's house. Ooooh.. it's heaven! Not too crunchy, too. Enak, booooooo.... I don't know what else I've been eating since May. I realize that my gaining weight now is supposed to be questioned: have I been eating healthy food or whatever food? Some people are just happy to see me in my doesn't-look-sick shape. Yeah, with 60 kgs who would think that I've got cancer.

Besides from these things that keep haunting me at night, I'm still grateful that I'm still able to do lots of things that I thought I won't be able to do like girls night out, work till late night, hangout with my friends, do the Body Combat exercise, bake cookies and lick the dough straight from the bowl.

I'm even grateful to see the fact that people around me are still very supportive and fussy when it comes to food (can't eat that, Steph.. or that's spicy, Steph.. or sometimes even nastier: they (or you, even, again..) take my plate away and start measuring how much I can eat.) Whatever banget gak seeeeeh... but it does something good for me - Thanks!

Tapi ya sudah.. Yang terjadi ya terjadilah..
I just keep my fingers crossed till Monday. Wish me luck! Should unexpected things happen to me, you'll be hearing it from my sister. Hehehehe..

Last, thanks for being around and always be there for me..

Let you know more with my progress after chemo.. Let's hope it's a good news.

Sphere: Related Content