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Places I've Been and Places I'd Love To Go

1. Cannes, France


2. London, England


3. Milan, Italy


4. Venice, Italy


5. Monte-Carlo, Monaco


6. Athens, Greece


7. Singapore, Singapore


8. Kissimmee, FL, USA


9. New York City, NY, USA


10. Aspen, CO, USA


11. Boston, MA, USA


12. Geneva, Switzerland

• Create your own travel map or travel blog


• Visit TripAdvisor.com

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Edamame Rocks!

You know I've been a starter vegetarian for the past 2 weeks, right..? Well, at least I'm trying to be a vegetarian for the sake of my bloody cancer. I never really like veggies and fruits, so I'm just trying to eat fun! What the heck is Eat Fun..? That I dunno. I'm just trying to beat this Satan-called cancer out of my life.
Anyway, while I was looking for a raw, healthy snack in the supermarket, I found Edamame Beans! Yup yup! Edamame Beans. Sometimes it takes time for me to find that I can actually eat such yummy food for snack. So, been munching that Edamame for my snack for the past .. 2 weeks..? I just realized that that is the kind of snack/appetizers they serve in some Japanese restaurant.

Here's something about Edamame from WebMd:

Some people worry that eating edamame isn't good for us because we aren't cooking it very long. They think that the short cooking time does not eliminate the enzyme that inhibits digestion of proteins.

I'm here to tell you, open that bag of shelled edamame! Continue to peel those pods (if you like buying edamame with their shells). In case you haven't come across these mild flavored green soybeans, they are available in the frozen section with or without their shells. They need only brief cooking and are completely different from dried mature soybeans, which must be soaked and cooked until tender. It seems the enzyme that can inhibit protein digestion doesn't even "turn-on" until the bean is completely matured. Plus, edamame beans are blanched right after harvest at high temperatures that inactivate various enzymes that might cause digestive disruption.

Dr. Lester Wilson, University Professor of Food Science and Human Nutrition at Iowa State University, has been quoted as saying that "the frozen edamame available in supermarkets and restaurants has been blanched before freezing and is reheated before serving (usually several minutes in the microwave). This heating inactivates or denatures the SBTI (soy bean trypsin inhibitor) that might otherwise bind with the trypsin enzyme and interfere with protein absorption."

Wilson goes on to explain that, while a tiny amount of trypsin inhibitors may remain, there's not enough to cause any harm. In fact, a tiny amount of trypsin may act as an anti-cancer compound.

Here are my favorite ways to use edamame:

• Add to fried rice (the lower fat version in my book, FRY LIGHT, FRY RIGHT!) instead of peas
• Add to scrambled eggs
• Add to green salad instead of kidney beans <-- I've been eating my edamame like this!
  
• Puree with avocado to make guacamole
• Add to canned or homemade soups
• I like to eat them as a snack by themselves too! <-- See, I told you!
  

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Eat Your Greens! Eeeeewwwww...!!

Ever since I'm on the green, I've been experimenting my own food.
And since I don't eat animal products and processed food (cooked, canned), I ONLY eat raw food (sushi and sashimi are acceptable). Sometimes I do eat cooked food, fried food (not too much..), steamed food. The thing is, I'm trying not to eat any of animal products (including chicken, fish) because they can turns to be a carrion. Even if you cook them, they turn to be a carrion. Why sushi and sashimi are acceptable, that's because even if they can turn to be a carrion they can still be eaten raw. But stop there first!
Here are some other food that I allow myself to eat. Hope it's useful for you (if you wish to be on a diet, that is). Think of it as food for beauty, not for healing cancer.


DO EAT:

• All kinds of vegetables and fruits (no restriction on this, but I don't allow myself to eat the heavenly food: durian). Raw is much better than steam, cooked.. Point is, eat raw! Hey, you can even drink sugarcane juice, too!

• Sushi and sashimi. Je prefere sashimi, tho, because it's raw. And I like salmon sashimi. Salmon gives you lotsa energy. But only consume this raw meat once a week. Your tummy is not an aquarium nor a zoo.

• Spice up your greens. Add soba noodles. Soba is made of wheat. Yes, it's a processed food, but it's the only one you can eat. No starch. Add this to your salad. Just a bit, don't use the soup, tho.
  

• You can eat Tofu and Tempeh (no, duh! of course!!). But you wouldn't want to eat them raw. I like fried tempeh, and I only fried the tempeh with olive oil (if I no choice), but mostly with coconut oil. I don't look at the healthiness aspect. Hee.. hee.. Oops..! But when you cook your food with coconut oil, it smells so damn good. After that, your tempeh will have this crunchy taste. For tofu, ah.. just make soup. Hardly deal with tofu. My mom likes to make tofu soup, whatever-the-heck- tofu. For me, I like tofu with lots of chili. Especially the one from that Korean resto, Soon Dubu Chige. If my tofu doesn't come like that, then forget it.
  

• Your food needs dressing. Naked food just so not hip. Use Italian dressing or French dressing. If you don't have both, use Olive oil. Keep Olive Oil and coconut oil handy. You can use them for cooking and as a salad dressing.
  

• Keep away from milk. Milk is from animals. Substitute milk with Soy Milk. However, you have to pay attention to what kind of soy milk you're getting. Only unsweetened soy milk or soy milk that is made with sugarcane.

• Can eat plain unsweetened yoghurt. Even though they're actually come from milk, they're actually rotten milk which is good for your health. Avoid flavored yoghurt because they contain sugar. I already say bye bye, adios, sayonara to those flavored yoghurt. If you don't like that plain unsweetened yoghurt, mixed them with your favorite fruits. I sometimes mix my plain yucky yoghurt with oat bran. Oat bran is your fibre source and it's made of.. oat. I eat my oat bran with warm soy milk. Taste like feet, but it's better than nothing because any kind of cereal is a no-no. Cereal has lots lots lots of sugar. So, no cereal!

DON'T EAT:

1. Meat - including chicken, fish (except sushi or sashimi). Why? they can turn to be carrion, remember..??
2. Any animal products. Think.. think.. think! That means, no milk, no cake, no ice cream. Well, use your thinking cap, man! Dairy products, eggs.. they're a no-no.
   
3. Starch
4. Bread. Surprise?? Me, too! Bread is processed food. How about wheat bread? Sorry, man. Same thing. Lots of process going on to become bread.
5. Noodles. Say good bye to Top Ramen! You, darling, can only eat soba with restriction.
6. Alcohol drinks
7. Sodas
8. Coffee, tea,
   
9. SUGAR. You really have to read the labels on anything you're about to consume. If it has the word sugar in it, then drop it.
   

Actually, it is easy to remember:

No processed food and drinks,
no animal products,
no sugar.

Here's a glimpse of my first, I call it, half-vegan food.
I call this:

Nina's fresh cancer free salad

You need:

1. Lettuce
2. Tomato
3. Soba (not to soggy after you cook them), and don't use the whole soba from the plastic. 1 plastic soba can last with 10-15 salad.
4. Smoked salmon
5. Eno mushroom. Just a little bit, and fried them with olive oil. After you cook them, drain the oil down until the mushroom gets really really dry.
6. Cucumber

Toss them in a large bowl, and pour olive oil to suit your taste. Add a pinch of black pepper, and you're ready to eat. Keep them in your frigo, and you can have the salad for dinner as well!

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That damn tumor!

Bloody tumor that was trying to kill me!

Dimension:
8 x 16 cm

Date of picture taken:
January 10, 2008

Picture taken by:
Uuuh... I think it was the surgeon

Estimated time of surgery:
4 to 5 hours

Actual time of surgery:
Less than 1 hour

Estimated hospitalization time:
2 weeks

Actual hospitalization time:
3 days

Name of people waiting outside the surgery room:
Ibu Dedeq, Ibu Lesna, Ibu Annie, and my darling, Ivan

My waiting troop
before I went to the Operation Theatre

Human Delivery fresh from the Operation Theatre

So.. what happened after that?

Well, the tumor was somewhere behind the right ovary. Luckily, it did not stick to the ovary.
Phew!
What the docs did : they threw out my right ovary and the eggs from the right ovary. The left ovary is safe. Hallelujah! But to keep me safe - knowing I was so stressed out that I may not be able to bear any children - they keep the eggs from the left ovary. In short they freeze my eggs, and, yes, I'm on my menopause now.

So, how am I going to have children? There are 2 options.
First option: have my eggs planted on other woman's and have that woman pregnant with my eggs and my chosen man's sperm. It's like a surrogate mother. A bit complicated, but I think that's what they meant.
Second option: I could get pregnant again. How? I need to have these hormones injected first so that I can get my menstruation again. After I get my menstruation again, they'll insert my eggs back to me (I dunno how they're going to do it, but they say they can!), and I can get pregnant again. However, that can only happen if I don't take chemotherapy this year. If I take another set of chemotherapy this year, I will have to wait for 5 years in order to get pregnant. Why? Because my body would need 5 years to be clean - including clean from the chemotherapy drugs.
Doesn't really make any difference, huh? Even now I still have to wait for another 4 years to be able to get pregnant since my chemo drugs still flowing in my bloodstream. The effects are still with me: numb hands, feet feels like there are rocks inside, and easily get leg(s) cramp.

And the next plan is..??

I have no idea what's the next plan.. At first I was so eager to get another chemo and deal with bloody tumor as I was sooooooo afraid that there could be some itsy bitsy tumor still spreading here and there, but then I don't even give a shit. Not that I give up on my own life. I just don't want to deal with any more chemo. Imagine if I have to take another set. Another nausea.. another excuse.. bla.. bla.. bla.. mbeeeeek... I'm just sick of it and I'm sure that there's another way to get this shit out of me.
And guess what? THERE IS OTHER WAY OUT. Well, this one is not from my doc in Singapore, tho. The smart guy in S'pore said that I still need to take the chemo. 1 level higher than the one I took plus another so-called magic infusion called Avastin. Hell with it. My other way out is to change my lifestyle. Didn't I do that already..? Yes, I did. But this time I have to switch a little bit. If yesterday I only turned 45 degrees, this time it has to be 90 degrees. Didn't get what I mean? So do I. Anyway, there was this voice that keep telling me to consume just veggies and fruits. Meaning, I have to be a vegetarian. No meat, no sugar, nothing!
Oh, No!!!!!!!
Well, fat chance! I have to be cured and it has to start now!

Being a vegetarian is no joke. It takes lots of courage to do this, especially me who never like veggies and fruits. I started with being a half vegan. For fun I still drank Milo, Ovaltine but already off the ice cream. Wanted to cry when I had to say good-bye to ice cream. Is like leaving my diamonds behind! My last taste of ice cream was on Valentine's day. Not that I romantically ate ice cream with my boyfriend. Dream on, s'il te plait... It was on my niece's birthday party. The ice cream tasted so gooooooood that I started to think it was even better than having sex. Well, sex is always better than anything. Hehehe.. Pervert-menopause-bitch!
However, I can see the benefit of this already. I'm a bit leaner that I was in January. Actually, I've lost weight, just no too obvious. My boyfriend keep nagging me on my weight: "55 and that's enough, sayang! Keep on the same weight. Don't lose, don't gain too much" Man, sometimes I just want to choke him. Anyway, I feel that my body is healthier, my skin is glowing, and, if I'm looking at myself right, I have flat tummy (of course, the tummy tuck helps as well but visible appearance won't be too obvious until May).

I think I'm happy the way I am now. I really take care of me (Oh, yeah, you, too, sweety. You really take care of me. Even though sometimes your worry towards my health really gets on my fucking nerve, I know you mean good. Thank you, sayang!)
Really. He makes sure that I eat my vitamins, the oat brans, eat right, etc. My family is always there for me. My sister especially. My sister makes me feel like a normal healthy human being. I bet she's worry sick about my health, but in front of me she really treats me as a person.

Ah, well..

BTW, these are my troops in Singapore while I was at my lowest..


From left to right:
Ibu Lesna (or we usually call her: Mami), Ibu Annie (that's my mom at the back), Ibu Dedeq (we call her Mbak Dedeq, or we usually tease her as Ibu Bandar), Mas Nanang (a good friend who's always there for us, especially me. Or not..??)

Ivan (or Ipan as we always tease him. He's the one who make sure that I take my vits, eat right, home early, eat my brans, etc.) Talkative, but love him anyway (hey, that's all I got for now..!)

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New Year, New Verdict

Ugh.. dunno what to say anymore..

It's been a year since the New Year, and let me wish you all a good new year.. may all your wish come true (just like a birthday wish).

Anyway, what's your new year resolution (say, plan for the whole year)?
My plan was:
1. Start a family with godknowswhothefatheris.
2. Work better.

It's nice don't you think to start a new year with something that you can actually work on. Membuat suasana lebih bersemangat '45 bak melawan Kompeni.
Actually, I had a splendid New Year Party. Ada keluarga yang annoying, ada keluarga yang loveable, ada good friend yang udah kayak keluarga (it's fun to have you around, Adi! Taon depabn lagi ya kalo gue masih 'idup. Hehehehe)

For me.. this new year is like piece of shit that I need to fight and it's devastating.

Picture it, 2 January 2008, Blok A bagian jualan atribut pertukangan rumah. 10 AM-ish, my boyfriend, Ivan, called me from Singapore while I was asking things about car battery. Baru ngomong sebentar, dan tiba2: ZOOMP! Stomach cramp. I thought, I must've been eating like a goat that has not been fed for the past 2 years. Maklum, dari tanggal 21 December I was partying non-stop: Midodareni, my brother's birthday, Ijab Kabul, Reception, Christams Dinner, Christmas Lunch, my Birthday, cancer free celebration, New Year Eve, New Year brunch, New Year lunch, Cheese Nachos snack when Adi and I had when we watched Quickie Express (my cute brother had Pocky).. Mampus aja gak sih..??? Dikit dikit tapi membukit. Tapi while I had that cramp, I felt quilty a bit. I said to myself: Ya, Oroooooh... New Year's gift'nya mantep bener yak???
Jalanlah gue dari tempat beli aki, ke mobil. Akhirnya gue suruh supir gue yang nungguin, dan gue di mobil langsung telpon Ibu Bandar (my sister that is..) minta dianterin ke Medistra. She was panicked - hey, me, too! Untung jarak Blok-A ke Darmawangsa deket. Begitu supir masuk mobil, gue langsung minta dianterin ke rumah kakak gue toute de suite! Mana supir gue udah rada toku, nyupir juga 40 km/jam. Asli, gue udah gak tahan.

Sampe rumah kakak gue, my super cute nephew, Fox, menyambut gue dengan gembira alias minta jalan2. Biasalah, kalo gue sampe pasti dia nodong buat jalan2. Keliling komplek aja udah hepi joli dia. Jangankan keliling komplek, mobil gue keluarin garasi trus gue masukin garasi aja dia udah kesetanan. Yang penting sama tante'nya. But at that time, I just couldn't do anything. Face was pale as a cotton - atau tepatnya kayak orang abis liat pocong di depan mata. Kakak gue turun, dan langsung angkut gue ke Medistra. Kaki gue di mobil udah dipijitin sama nanny'nya ponakan gue. Fox bolak balik nanya gue "what happened, auntie Nina?", "Auntie Nina ouwie..?", "Auntie Nina ouwie, hospital, airport, Singapore..?" Sebenernya, what a relieve juga knowing when you just got hit with something and this little boy is next to you squeezing your hand. Kayaknya anak kecil aja ngerti that everything is going to be just fine.

Anyway, I couldn't do much in the car. I had breathing trouble as well just like when I had heartburn from eating 2 pans of Domino Pizza. I couldn't even answer Ivan's phone call, so I just gave my phone to my sister and let her tell him what's going on with me. He also couldn't believe it, just 15 minutes ago he called me and I was fine. Now, I was rushed to the hospital.

Lucunya, sampe di Medistra, the pain was slowly gone. Tinggal bekas sakitnya aja yang ada. Since I have a history of colon cancer, the doctor suggested me to have another CT Scan. I passed all the trouble of having the needle poked here and there, and I had to stay in the hospital for a day or two.

Ever since I was in the room, the put the sign PUASA for - according to them - monitor. Tapi udah sampe' malem tulisan PUASA tadi itu masih juga nempel. So, kepalaran lah si pasien Stephanie Widyani ini. Mulai gelisah nih.. Remote TV aja bisa gue makan. Akhirnya, jam 9-10'an gue boleh minum SETEGUK. Kampret! Tapi ya udahlah.. better than nothing. Akhirnya ditawarin makan juga sih, tapi gue cuma bisa makan yang lembut2 dan gue pilih oatmeal.
Selama puasa tadi, sebenernya kakak & oom gue udah dapet jawaban dari dokter regarding the new CT Scan. Kakak gue nan nekat mah bisa aja, kalo Medistra aja sih bisa diubek2 sama dia. And she told me that it's just from the food. Everything's going to be fine. From her eyes I could tell that she's lying. Dan setiap gue pelototin itu mata, mata dia gradually berubah jadi mata yang jujur. Damn it!
Akhirnya para pengunjung pasien si gile Stephanie pulang juga. Kamar udah kayak Casino. Maklum. New Year Spirit untuk berjudi masih nempel di pribadi pengunjung. Dasar Batak! Kagak tahan liat kartu dan duit nangkring. Give them beer or coffee jadilah Mickey Mouse Casino. Yang nemenin gue semalam: my handsome little brother. Suster2nya bolak balik aja ke kamar gue. Blagak aplusan lah.. ganti ini lah.. ngecek infus lah.. masa' gue jam 5 pagi dibangunin disuruh mandi juga biar mereka bisa lirik adek gue??? Ngebayang gak sih loooooo... Dalam hati gue: if only you all bitches knew.. Hehehehe..

Next morning, the doctor asked me to stay another day for further monitor. I was like: what..??? Do I really need to?
I was so eager to get out fo the hospital. My boyfriend even thought that the hospital was trying to make profit out of my sickness. Crap!
Jam 2'an, the doctor, my sister, and my brother in law came with the news. Adi had to get out from my room for awhile.
This is what the doctor told me:

"Okey. Tadi pagi waktu saya datang, saya bohong. Dari CT Scan yang paling baru, kita menemukan massa. Kita bisa predict kalau itu a new tumor growing tapi bukan di colon. Lokasinya ada dekat ovary. This has to be taken out immediately. Saran saya, karena dokter chemo kamu yang di singapore punya data lebih akurat, kamu ke singapore sekarang juga."

Ternyata, Ibu Bandar sudah bekerja secepat kilat. She actually found out the nite before and fax everything to my oncologist in Singapore.
I could get my butt out from the hospital and went home right after the doctor left.

So, we arrived in Spore on Friday by noon and went directly to the hospital (ya mampir hotel dulu lempar koper tanpa keluar dari taxi). Ivan was already in the hospital. Our appointment was at 1 PM.
Masuk ke ruang dokter (nunggu dulu sih.. diluar). The 3 of us sat there, dan dokternya mulai nanya "what's going on Stephanie?"
Hey, I wish I knew, dude. I gave a little flashback of what was going on. Kita bawa hasil CT Scan, dan dokter membandingkan dengan hasil CT Scan yang paling terakhir (October 29, 2007). Perbedaannya banyak sekali. Kita bolak balik nanya, does it have anything to do with activities, food, or what-so-ever? Jawabannya: TIDAK. Andaikata ada, ANDAIKATA, biasanya tumor tumbuh in 3 or more years. Tapi ini harus di remove as soon as possible.
In short, he was amazed. Nah, loh! Dokter aja bingung apalagi kita yak..?? Dan menurut dia, this is the first case in Singapore. Bloody.. what am I a famous sicko now??

Abis itu kita ke Colorectal Surgeon, atas saran dokter chemo gue. Dokternya ya agak2 culun, tapi jabatannya professor, bo! Head and Senior Consultant Division of Colorectal Surgery. Nothing can go wrong from the title. This time the doctor explained, in my opinion, very detail.

YES! The fucking tumor is on the ovary. Left side. Ganas apa tidak? Tidak tau. But this has to be removed ASAP.
Now, once he remove the tumor meaning he has to remove both ovaries. Which means I'll be in menopouse after the surgery, which means I CANNOT HAVE BABIES ANYMORE.
He gave me options of freezing my eggs so that I can use it in later time. In fact there'll be a doctor from Holland who.. ngapain ya dia..??? kok jadi lupa gini..? Gak bisa mikir tepatnya. Kalo gak salah dokter Holland ini punya metode baru untuk punya anak buat orang yang gak bisa punya anak lagi. Telurnya dipecah2, terus ntah diapain. Dokternya aja baru dateng besok (Tues., 8 Jan, '08) It's Singapore first break tghru - katanya. And this will be the first case in Singapore. Am I happy..?? 50-50. Tapi gue gak begitu mengharapkan banget. Let God decide. Say, gue pake juga akhirnya metode super canggih itu, tapi tetep aja kan gue gak tau hasilnya gimana. Buat mereka aja baru pertama kali, getoooh..

For all I know, I can't have babies anymore. Kandas sudah harapan untuk berkeluarga dan punya anak dari darah daging sendiri. Adoption is not an option for me, and don't you dare tell me that I can always adopt a baby. Berani2nya ngomong gitu, ovaries loe yang gue ambil and see how you go by that! Kalo loe cowok, titit loe yang gue potong. Hahahahaha..
At 30, I'm now slowing down of everything. Cari suami aja udah keburu males. Paling mentok gue dapet duda (again!) dengan anak 6 yang emaknya udah koit dan perlu emak baru.

Just like I told my boyfriend and my sister: at least now I can always cross out Pads and Pantyliners out of my grocery list, and can have sex without having to worry of getting pregnant and have a little bastard. Hehehehehe...

My period just ended yesterday. And that was the last menstruation I had in my life. As of Thursday, 10 Jan '08, after the surgery, I'll be experiencing what all 50-year old women experience: Menopause.

I'll be staying in Singapore for a month. Inggris gue bisa kacau begini caranya. This is my cell number in Singapore: +6594482822.
Cheer me up, send me lame jokes, we can even do video call..
I miss home already.. I want to be with my nephew and my super smart niece.. but I have to hold my tears back and be strong.

If I can beat that son-of-a-bitch called cancer, there's no reason for me to be unable to fight this satan.


Happy New Year, everybody.



Stephanie
Your crazy-nonstop talking-friend who cannot think straight anymore

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Singapore Cancer Free Celebration!

Let's Celebrate!!

My and my sis checked out from the hotel and went to our very good friend's restaurant where he works there as the Head Chef for a company called One Concepts. The restaurant he currently works is TBone - which stands for Tiong Baru One.

What did we do there?
1. Visit a good friend
2. Celebrate Cancer Free with a good friend

We've known him for ages I guess. Oh, by the way, his name is Permana - we call him Nanang. And he's a good cook! Great, malah..
God knows how he got that sense of cooking. I wish I could be like him - have a good sense of cooking. Even sometimes I have to text him all the way to New Zealand just to ask whether a baking soda is the same as baking powder. Stupid me, even if he say that it's different and put poison instead I probably might do it.

How he ends up in Singapore? Good question..
He got an offer while he was still in NZ. We talked about it over the Messenger, and I think I managed to persuade him to move to Singapore. C'mon, it's way much closer to home. Besides, he can go back and forth Singapore-Jakarta to visit the family. And it's true. Last Lebaran, he went back to Jakarta to be with his family. And he must be very happy. His family must be happy. I can't imagine him in NZ celebrating Lebaran. Ugh..

So, there at TBone he got us 1 hell a big steak. If I clearly remember, he said it was only 700 grams - which we all can share eating. T-Bone steak marinated with .. pepper?? God knows.. With mushroom sauce on the side. Served with salad that I couldn't eat (my sister ate it), and wedges (love this one!). Hey, it's a celebration. I know I should not be eating that much of food. So, I made a promise to myself: No beef until January!

Seriously, we ate too much that day. After we finished eating, he then told us that the steak was actually 1 kg!!
For God sake, man!! What are you trying to do, kill me????

But it was really good.

Too bad we couldn't stay longer. We've got other things to do before we leave Singapore.

But for sure, in 10 years, he'll make it big as Chef Nanang or Chef Permana.
TV shows, cooking books, biography, maybe even his own brand.
You'll never know.

Congratulation, Mas Nanang!

We're so damn proud of you..

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