8th CHEMO - At Last!

FINALLY!

My LAST CHEMO!!


I left the hotel at 8:00 for my 8:50 PT Scan. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a cab right away. Business people were lining up. So, gotta beeeeeee patient a tiny bit. When I finally got a cab, told the driver to speed up a bit. Well, they don't drive like the way I drive. Singapore always has rules for this and that including speed limit. But it was a rush hour so not much can do there lah! It was almost 8:50 when I got in the cab and Ivan was in the hospital already waiting for me. He's an on-time baby. God knows how many times he checked on me just to make sure I was in the bloody cab. Of course I was late when I got there and he was in the lobby with his laptop browsing I dunno what. Gave him a good morning kiss on the head, left him there again, and ran straight to the Imaging Center.

First thing to do in the hospital was to get the CT Scan done. I'd been fasting since 6:30 in the morning, and felt so hungry and thirsty by the time I arrived at the hospital. Believe me, even my boyfriend's thumb looked so yummy. After I registered at the Imaging Center, they gave me this yellow colored drink. The nurses said that it wasn't suppose to taste good. Hell with it! I was thirsty and according to thirsty Stephanie: GOOD!
If I thought about it over again, it was actually taste like a stale Lemon Juice. YUCK!
So, drank that 09:30. Enjoy the drink? Gila apa..???? Blagak enjoy aja dech. My Ivan aja yang kept asking: how's it, sayang..? enak, sayang..? Dalam hati gue: abis ini loe yang gue seret buat chemo. Bolak balik nanya lagi..


While waiting for the next drink at 09:50, I went up to the 8th floor to get the FULL blood test. First torture of poking the needles begun. CRAP! These people don't know how to find my veins. Sure, they kept telling me: oooh, you have such fine veins.. it's a princess (whatever lah!) Tapping my arms just to get the veins, it's just soooo.. blah.
It's very different than Indonesia. The nurses in Indonesia are able to to find my veins in a second, and... it doesn't hurt.
Tapi gak segitu kerasa kali ini. Mungkin karena around me there were Ivan and my sis. Yeah, as usual, my sis ya sibuk sendiri. Sibuk ambil photo sana sini. Terutama ambil foto gue pas lagi disuntik. Dan selalu nge'guyon gak jelas. Meanwhile, Ivan mukanya sudah memelas gak tega liat gue ditusuk2. Tapi apa dikata, blood test must go on.

After the blood test - and still couldn't eat yet, I went back down to the Imaging Center to get the CT Scan. Drank the last gulp of the pee-like drink, changed and used the robe, and wait there along with the Singaporean grandmas and grandpas. Begitu dipanggil.. jantung gue rasanya dah mau copot. I didn't remember that they were going to INJECT something again to my hand. Duh! How can I forgot. I did this on my first chemo. And now I had to do it again. Ya uwes. Pasrah aja dah loe.
Tusuk lagi.. tusuk lagi.. Enakan ditusuk di tempat lain kali yah daripada ditusuk di tangan pake jarum.. HAHAHAHAHAHA..
Tangan gue rasanya sakiiiiiiit banget waktu dimasukin cairan buat highlight seluruh badan gue. What worse was that they were going to put some liquid into my anus to highlight the pelvis. Bayangkan! ada botol yang harus dimasukin ke pantat gue. Gila, bo!!! Anal sex aja gue tolak mentah2, itu lagi.. Go to hell, dude!! Tapi setelah tawar menawar, akhirnya gak jadi juga.
PHEW!
Kalo sampe kejadian mati lah gue.. Gak tau lagi bakal jadi apaan gue. Jalannya dah pengkor kali..

Anyway, done with CT Scan. I could finally eat!
Damn, I was so hungry. I ate roast hainamese chicken rice, Ivan ate nasi Padang, and my sis ate Yong Tau Foo. Lunch was good, as well as the talk. Disini gue bener2 bisa liat that they, Ivan and my sis, really care for me. Mereka selalu memastikan that I got enough nutrients. Ntah mereka maksa apa gimana tapi gue dipaksa makan buah mulu. Telen aja deh. Dari pada rame..

To kill the time till 2 PM, me and Ivan sat down on the sofa at the lobby. Cuddle up in public, make everybody jealous (gak penting deh!), relax.. serasa dunia milik kita berdua yang lain cuma numpang. Ahhahahahahahaha.. Sampe TENG! dah waktunya naik - belum banget sih.. tapi Ivan gak mau telat aja. Duile, bo! dari lobby ke lantai 8 doang gitu.. Again, ngikut aja dech. BTW, yang di chemo gue kenapa yang semangat dia yah..? *garuk garuk*

Akhirnya kita ketemu sang dokter juga. Setelah di tensi.. cek sana sini.. Baru dech masuk dipanggil dokter.
Dokternya yaaaa.. lumayan lah. Buat ukuran orang Singapore mungkin he's quiet a catch. Hehehehe.. Tapiiiiii.. asal pitaknya ditutupin. Every time my sister and I went to his practice room, he looks happy. Ada hiburan gretong kali yeh.. Si mbak lagi, wuiiiih.. kalo nganterin gue ke dokter atribut dandan dan gaya gak pernah lepas. Kadang pake belahan dada yang ampun ampun bikin dokter pusing (tukang taxi aja puyeng liatnya..). Meanwhile, gue ala kadarnya tapi masih tetep oke lah (gak mau kalah bener dah gue..) Hihihihi...Dasarnya aja gue gak mau repot. Abis itu tangan kebas, bo. Have mercy, dech..

So, what did the doctor said..? *dug.. dug.. dug..*
He said that that everything was good!
From the scan, it shows no spread of of cancer cells.
EVERYTHING IS FINE!

yeeeeeeeehhaaaaaa...!!!!

I couldn’t be happier.
Especially my sister – Ibu Bandar hehehehe.
Well, Ivan didn’t hear the whole thing since he was outside waiting. I think he just couldn’t bear listen to whatever the doctor would say about me.
I couldn’t even picture how happy I was. Happy but still confuse: is that it??
I realized that the label Stage 3 Colon Cancer will always be with me for the rest of my life. Even though I’m free, but it doesn’t mean that I’m completely free. It’s a heditary disease, so I better watch out. It is now the part that I really have to pay attention to everything I do.

BTW, I don’t know when my sister find the time to send SMS to everybody in her phone book about this good news. But this is what she sent:

We thank God 4 our Good News.
Final CT Scan of Stephanie showed NO evidence of cancer spreading J
Penyebaran sel2 kanker berhasil diSTOP.
Bersyukur, hari ini Chemoteraphy yang terakhir.
Thanks untuk doa yang diberikan.

Now, chemo time!
Ivan was next to me holding my hand when the nurses were trying to find my vein. I was squeezing his hand so hard that he couldn’t stand it anymore and called my sis to take his place. Hahahahaha.. I just don’t understand why the nurses started with my arm instead of my hand. It was supposed to start with my hand first, then if they still cannot find it they should go up to my arm and so on. Ah, they know better.. what do I know except screaming my heart out?

After the needle went in, Ivan has the guts to came back to the chemo booth.

There we sat for about 2 hours long. Just me & Ivan. Waiting for the chemo infusion to finish. He was surprise to see how strong I was (according to him) that I didn’t scream and was able to pull myself together. He said that I was strong. Really? I didn’t realize that.
It was nice to be accompanied by someone you love during that painful time.
Numbness on my left hand started just 30 minutes before the chemo was done. And it’s time to take the needle out. Phew!
Wait.
No “phew”.
It was AARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH….! Breath in, breath out.. Hold your breath..
Even Ivan had to hug me from the side, closed my eyes and didn’t let me see the whole thing until the needle was out. And finally it was out. And by 6 PM we were out of the hospital, heading to the Grand Hyatt by cab. My sister dropped us at the looby, and she went straight to the mall did some shopping.

Ivan & I just relaxed for awhile in the room. Hey, couldn’t do much here. Left still numb and in pain. So, we just wait in the room till we get hungry. Take some pics just like banci foto getoooooh…

Please, deh.. nothing to do here for us.

No matter how tired I was.. I was happy with the last chemo. Surrounded by the people you love and have the Good News.

I survive cancer!

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Leaving for last chemo

Sunday morning I left Jakarta for my last chemo.
Excited? I dunno for sure.
I was excited to see my boyfriend and my good friend - oh, going to Singapore is now so much fun!
So, arrived there in the afternoon. Went here and there with my sister while waiting for those two people done working.

In the evening, my boyfriend got off from work and we met in CK Tang. Well, I left my sister at Zara and let her have fun with all the shopping - meanwhile my friend Nanang was still busy somewhere in the kitchen. So, continue with my bf. We went to Dome at Shaw. A cup of coffee for him, and a cup of weird taste tea for me. Ah, well..

Then my sister and Nanang came along. Good chat and laugh at Dome till we all got hungry. As usual, Nanang came up with the idea of having dinner at the Marina.

Nanang has good taste in choosing food. Yeah, no wonder. He's a chef of course! He knows what he's doing. We had crab, fried mantau, yummy kailan (just for me!), steamed fish (ordered especially for me, again). Goodness, I don't even remember what we ordered. I could only remember that Ivan was looking at me all the time because I ate the veggies like a hungry dragon - yes, darling, it's me who ate all the greens!

Hang out with the people you love with was so much fun. Really!
I'd rather have them around me when I have my chemo instead of my mum. Not that I don't love her, but I'd rather have people who don't talk much during my chemo (ie: cheer me up).

*sigh*
Let the last torture of chemo ends tomorrow..

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St. Peregrine - patron of cancer patients

I recently do the novena prayer for my cancer to this saint whose name is Peregrine. He's a patron of cancer patients.
I found out about him when I went through my dad's drawer. So I guess my dad also did the novena to St. Peregrine.

Here's an outline about St. Peregrine, which I took from Catholic Online.

Peregrine Laziosi was born of a wealthy family at Forli, Italy, in 1260. As a youth he was active in politics as a member of the anti-papal party. During one uprising, which the Pope sent St. Philip Benizi to mediate, Philip was struck in the face by Peregrine. When Philip offered the other cheek, Peregrine was so overcome that he repented and converted to Catholicism. Following the instructions of the Virgin Mary received in a vision, Peregrine went to Siena and joined the Servites. It is believed that he never allowed himself to sit down for thirty years, while as far as possible, observing silence and solitude. Sometime later, Peregrine was sent to Forli to found a new house of the Servite Order. An ideal priest, he had a reputation for fervent preaching and being a good confessor. When he was afflicted with cancer of the foot and amputation had been decided upon, he spent the night before the operation, in prayer. The following morning he was completely cured. This miracle caused his reputation to become widespread. He died in 1345 at the age of eighty-five, and he was canonized by Pope Benedict XIII in 1726. St. Peregrine, like St. Paul, was in open defiance of the Church as a youth. Once given the grace of conversion he became one of the great saints of his time. His great fervor and qualities as a confessor brought many back to the true Faith. Afflicted with cancer, Peregrine turned to God and was richly rewarded for his Faith, enabling him over many years to lead others to the truth. He is the patron of cancer patients.

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Wish me luck for the Last Chemo

Wish me luck y'all!
On Monday I'll be getting my last chemotherapy.

This time I'll be staying in S'pore a liiiiiiiitle bit longer - yeah, that means I'll be taking 2 days off from work (yippiiiiie). Be leaving Jakarta on Sunday morning with my sister ONLY.
My appointment with the doc is actually on Monday, but in the morning.
The doc said that I'll have to take the full blood test and the CT Scan there - since it's my last treatment.
Damn it! Another blood test. Another poking here and there on my hand. Now some of my fingers are numb, poking here and there just gonna make it worse. *sigh*
And the CT scan.. nooooo!
The CT Scan itself doesn't hurt a bit. It's just scanning my body. That's all. What I cannot stand is the injection to highlight whatever in my body for scanning.
Ugh, let that be my joy of pain on Monday.

Even though I'm scared to face this last chemo, somewhere in my heart I feel a bit relief. Perhaps it's the fact that my friend (or TTMB - teman tapi mesra banget. Oh, please dech.. hare geneee..), the so-called boyfriend (my sister said: "he's the complete reincarnation of your husband!") who's willing to take a day off from his work to take me to the hospital and reschedule all his work for Tuesday as well, and last: my sister..they'll be around me during my last chemo.

But even though they're there for me, deep deep deep inside I'm still scared to face this last chemo:
What else the doc's going to say?
Is my cancer spreading?
Do I need to go through another 8 set of chemo again (hopefully, not!)?
I'm so hoping that this son-of-a-bitch cancer is not spreading.

Yes, I haven't been a good girl lately.
For the love of food..
Can't really pull myself together when it comes to food.
My vegetables and fruit intake is quiet low - according to my boyfriend, and I hate to say that he's right.
Not only that, he even noticed that my water intake is somehow not enough - again, I can really punch him for being right all the time.
Well, this is more like a food confession from me: I even ate my niece KFC leftover. Even though it's just the bones I crunch, it's not like I'm inhaling the whole chicken. I also still eat some fried food - last week I found Tempe Goreng that my niece's nanny made at my sister's house. Ooooh.. it's heaven! Not too crunchy, too. Enak, booooooo.... I don't know what else I've been eating since May. I realize that my gaining weight now is supposed to be questioned: have I been eating healthy food or whatever food? Some people are just happy to see me in my doesn't-look-sick shape. Yeah, with 60 kgs who would think that I've got cancer.

Besides from these things that keep haunting me at night, I'm still grateful that I'm still able to do lots of things that I thought I won't be able to do like girls night out, work till late night, hangout with my friends, do the Body Combat exercise, bake cookies and lick the dough straight from the bowl.

I'm even grateful to see the fact that people around me are still very supportive and fussy when it comes to food (can't eat that, Steph.. or that's spicy, Steph.. or sometimes even nastier: they (or you, even, again..) take my plate away and start measuring how much I can eat.) Whatever banget gak seeeeeh... but it does something good for me - Thanks!

Tapi ya sudah.. Yang terjadi ya terjadilah..
I just keep my fingers crossed till Monday. Wish me luck! Should unexpected things happen to me, you'll be hearing it from my sister. Hehehehe..

Last, thanks for being around and always be there for me..

Let you know more with my progress after chemo.. Let's hope it's a good news.

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2 more to go

Monday the 8th, 2007 will be my 7th chemo.
That's actually 1 more chemo to go - minus the one next week.

What do I feel now?
A bit numbness at the edge of my tounge (still).
Dryer skin on the tip toes and around the cuticles
Fingers a bit numb. Not so much.. but I don't think I could stand the AC anymore.
I've been getting more cramps on my claves while I sleep at night - there was a night when I had to go through calves cramp on both legs. Jesus Christ! I'd rather die..

I've noticed that I haven't been eating good food (healthy) lately. Need more veggies and fruits. That's a hard committment to make.

At this point, I've reached my weakness in emotion. I'm so damn scared that I won't get the best result as I (and my family and friends) hope. There are moments when I keep thinking: Would I make it through? Would I have to get another set of this damn chemoteraphy? Would I be able to live for another year or longer?

Yes. I'm scared as hell.
The only thing that I can think of is that I have to live .. for my family.
Realizing that my family has sacrfice lots of things - especially my sister, is what motivated me most to live. Of course, besides my dream: my own damn family.

A promise I gotta make to my father minutes before he died: I'll take care of the family with all my strength and with whatever God give me, and, yes, I can take care of myself.
I guess that, too, motivates me, to live.

I'm so scared at this moment.. I just wish I could pass through this tiring moments of beating cancer and be a cancer survivor.

2 more chemo to go.. with lots of fear..

But at least my trip to Singapore for chemo isn't boring as it used to... A good friend and a love one is waiting.. :)

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