Friday, October 26, 2007

Wish me luck for the Last Chemo

Wish me luck y'all!
On Monday I'll be getting my last chemotherapy.

This time I'll be staying in S'pore a liiiiiiiitle bit longer - yeah, that means I'll be taking 2 days off from work (yippiiiiie). Be leaving Jakarta on Sunday morning with my sister ONLY.
My appointment with the doc is actually on Monday, but in the morning.
The doc said that I'll have to take the full blood test and the CT Scan there - since it's my last treatment.
Damn it! Another blood test. Another poking here and there on my hand. Now some of my fingers are numb, poking here and there just gonna make it worse. *sigh*
And the CT scan.. nooooo!
The CT Scan itself doesn't hurt a bit. It's just scanning my body. That's all. What I cannot stand is the injection to highlight whatever in my body for scanning.
Ugh, let that be my joy of pain on Monday.

Even though I'm scared to face this last chemo, somewhere in my heart I feel a bit relief. Perhaps it's the fact that my friend (or TTMB - teman tapi mesra banget. Oh, please dech.. hare geneee..), the so-called boyfriend (my sister said: "he's the complete reincarnation of your husband!") who's willing to take a day off from his work to take me to the hospital and reschedule all his work for Tuesday as well, and last: my sister..they'll be around me during my last chemo.

But even though they're there for me, deep deep deep inside I'm still scared to face this last chemo:
What else the doc's going to say?
Is my cancer spreading?
Do I need to go through another 8 set of chemo again (hopefully, not!)?
I'm so hoping that this son-of-a-bitch cancer is not spreading.

Yes, I haven't been a good girl lately.
For the love of food..
Can't really pull myself together when it comes to food.
My vegetables and fruit intake is quiet low - according to my boyfriend, and I hate to say that he's right.
Not only that, he even noticed that my water intake is somehow not enough - again, I can really punch him for being right all the time.
Well, this is more like a food confession from me: I even ate my niece KFC leftover. Even though it's just the bones I crunch, it's not like I'm inhaling the whole chicken. I also still eat some fried food - last week I found Tempe Goreng that my niece's nanny made at my sister's house. Ooooh.. it's heaven! Not too crunchy, too. Enak, booooooo.... I don't know what else I've been eating since May. I realize that my gaining weight now is supposed to be questioned: have I been eating healthy food or whatever food? Some people are just happy to see me in my doesn't-look-sick shape. Yeah, with 60 kgs who would think that I've got cancer.

Besides from these things that keep haunting me at night, I'm still grateful that I'm still able to do lots of things that I thought I won't be able to do like girls night out, work till late night, hangout with my friends, do the Body Combat exercise, bake cookies and lick the dough straight from the bowl.

I'm even grateful to see the fact that people around me are still very supportive and fussy when it comes to food (can't eat that, Steph.. or that's spicy, Steph.. or sometimes even nastier: they (or you, even, again..) take my plate away and start measuring how much I can eat.) Whatever banget gak seeeeeh... but it does something good for me - Thanks!

Tapi ya sudah.. Yang terjadi ya terjadilah..
I just keep my fingers crossed till Monday. Wish me luck! Should unexpected things happen to me, you'll be hearing it from my sister. Hehehehe..

Last, thanks for being around and always be there for me..

Let you know more with my progress after chemo.. Let's hope it's a good news.

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