Wednesday, October 3, 2007

2 more to go

Monday the 8th, 2007 will be my 7th chemo.
That's actually 1 more chemo to go - minus the one next week.

What do I feel now?
A bit numbness at the edge of my tounge (still).
Dryer skin on the tip toes and around the cuticles
Fingers a bit numb. Not so much.. but I don't think I could stand the AC anymore.
I've been getting more cramps on my claves while I sleep at night - there was a night when I had to go through calves cramp on both legs. Jesus Christ! I'd rather die..

I've noticed that I haven't been eating good food (healthy) lately. Need more veggies and fruits. That's a hard committment to make.

At this point, I've reached my weakness in emotion. I'm so damn scared that I won't get the best result as I (and my family and friends) hope. There are moments when I keep thinking: Would I make it through? Would I have to get another set of this damn chemoteraphy? Would I be able to live for another year or longer?

Yes. I'm scared as hell.
The only thing that I can think of is that I have to live .. for my family.
Realizing that my family has sacrfice lots of things - especially my sister, is what motivated me most to live. Of course, besides my dream: my own damn family.

A promise I gotta make to my father minutes before he died: I'll take care of the family with all my strength and with whatever God give me, and, yes, I can take care of myself.
I guess that, too, motivates me, to live.

I'm so scared at this moment.. I just wish I could pass through this tiring moments of beating cancer and be a cancer survivor.

2 more chemo to go.. with lots of fear..

But at least my trip to Singapore for chemo isn't boring as it used to... A good friend and a love one is waiting.. :)

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought of the bright sides not sacrifices or you as scared as hell. Well, well, well... Tel me how to make this.