Sunday, August 3, 2008

Where the hell have you been?

Yes, I know it’s been awhile since I write. No news doesn’t mean a not good news, tho. In fact, I’ve been trying to enjoy my life … with my baldness.

I took a month break from chemo. Well, it’s not really a break. After 4 chemotherapies, I decided not to continue anymore. There are actually 8 chemos in all, but I just couldn’t take the side effect of it anymore. Every time after chemo, I always have this unbelievable nausea – even though it’s only just for couple days. So, after the 3rd chemo, I decided the 4th would be the last one.

I even tried to escape from the clinic when I was about to get the 4th one, but Ivan followed me around. So, how could I? Fat chance! I took it anyway, with heavy heart in me. I kept telling Ivan during chemo that that chemo would be the last one and no more after that one. Even the oncologist just had to let me go after the 4th chemo. After 3 weeks (or was that 4?), I came back to the hospital and did some check up, and my mind was set to the decision that I was not going to take chemo anymore. Maybe, in my oncologist’s term that would be giving your body a holiday. I thought, hell with it! I ain’t takin’ it anymore. So, I got out of the hospital happily with my mom and Ivan.

Of course, when I arrived home at Jakarta, I felt so good sleeping without the nausea, diarrhea, and muscle pain. But then, everyone at home was asking me why didn’t I take the chemo. I could only smile and tell them: if only you have cancer and in my position, you bitch. I knew it wasn’t a right decision. Everybody slowly kept telling me to continue with the chemo – even Oliver told me to just finish it. Crap double crap!

So, here I am now.. took the 5th chemo last week, Nausea was hell. It was the first time in my chemo life that I vomited 5 times in a day. But I’m okey now. I’ve gained some weight (please, you don’t wanna know how much I weigh now), back to work as usual, and have been busy with lots of things.

Now, let me concentrate on my new association for professional young adults in their 20s to 30s with cancer: Living with Cancer Society.


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1 comment:

Nuryma said...

Stephanie, it's good that you decided to continue your chemo treatment.. I've never been thru what u r going thru now but I do feel for u dear... U r a strong lady and i salute you for that.. Pls stay that way and may God bless u... :)