Leaving for last chemo

Sunday morning I left Jakarta for my last chemo.
Excited? I dunno for sure.
I was excited to see my boyfriend and my good friend - oh, going to Singapore is now so much fun!
So, arrived there in the afternoon. Went here and there with my sister while waiting for those two people done working.

In the evening, my boyfriend got off from work and we met in CK Tang. Well, I left my sister at Zara and let her have fun with all the shopping - meanwhile my friend Nanang was still busy somewhere in the kitchen. So, continue with my bf. We went to Dome at Shaw. A cup of coffee for him, and a cup of weird taste tea for me. Ah, well..

Then my sister and Nanang came along. Good chat and laugh at Dome till we all got hungry. As usual, Nanang came up with the idea of having dinner at the Marina.

Nanang has good taste in choosing food. Yeah, no wonder. He's a chef of course! He knows what he's doing. We had crab, fried mantau, yummy kailan (just for me!), steamed fish (ordered especially for me, again). Goodness, I don't even remember what we ordered. I could only remember that Ivan was looking at me all the time because I ate the veggies like a hungry dragon - yes, darling, it's me who ate all the greens!

Hang out with the people you love with was so much fun. Really!
I'd rather have them around me when I have my chemo instead of my mum. Not that I don't love her, but I'd rather have people who don't talk much during my chemo (ie: cheer me up).

*sigh*
Let the last torture of chemo ends tomorrow..

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St. Peregrine - patron of cancer patients

I recently do the novena prayer for my cancer to this saint whose name is Peregrine. He's a patron of cancer patients.
I found out about him when I went through my dad's drawer. So I guess my dad also did the novena to St. Peregrine.

Here's an outline about St. Peregrine, which I took from Catholic Online.

Peregrine Laziosi was born of a wealthy family at Forli, Italy, in 1260. As a youth he was active in politics as a member of the anti-papal party. During one uprising, which the Pope sent St. Philip Benizi to mediate, Philip was struck in the face by Peregrine. When Philip offered the other cheek, Peregrine was so overcome that he repented and converted to Catholicism. Following the instructions of the Virgin Mary received in a vision, Peregrine went to Siena and joined the Servites. It is believed that he never allowed himself to sit down for thirty years, while as far as possible, observing silence and solitude. Sometime later, Peregrine was sent to Forli to found a new house of the Servite Order. An ideal priest, he had a reputation for fervent preaching and being a good confessor. When he was afflicted with cancer of the foot and amputation had been decided upon, he spent the night before the operation, in prayer. The following morning he was completely cured. This miracle caused his reputation to become widespread. He died in 1345 at the age of eighty-five, and he was canonized by Pope Benedict XIII in 1726. St. Peregrine, like St. Paul, was in open defiance of the Church as a youth. Once given the grace of conversion he became one of the great saints of his time. His great fervor and qualities as a confessor brought many back to the true Faith. Afflicted with cancer, Peregrine turned to God and was richly rewarded for his Faith, enabling him over many years to lead others to the truth. He is the patron of cancer patients.

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Wish me luck for the Last Chemo

Wish me luck y'all!
On Monday I'll be getting my last chemotherapy.

This time I'll be staying in S'pore a liiiiiiiitle bit longer - yeah, that means I'll be taking 2 days off from work (yippiiiiie). Be leaving Jakarta on Sunday morning with my sister ONLY.
My appointment with the doc is actually on Monday, but in the morning.
The doc said that I'll have to take the full blood test and the CT Scan there - since it's my last treatment.
Damn it! Another blood test. Another poking here and there on my hand. Now some of my fingers are numb, poking here and there just gonna make it worse. *sigh*
And the CT scan.. nooooo!
The CT Scan itself doesn't hurt a bit. It's just scanning my body. That's all. What I cannot stand is the injection to highlight whatever in my body for scanning.
Ugh, let that be my joy of pain on Monday.

Even though I'm scared to face this last chemo, somewhere in my heart I feel a bit relief. Perhaps it's the fact that my friend (or TTMB - teman tapi mesra banget. Oh, please dech.. hare geneee..), the so-called boyfriend (my sister said: "he's the complete reincarnation of your husband!") who's willing to take a day off from his work to take me to the hospital and reschedule all his work for Tuesday as well, and last: my sister..they'll be around me during my last chemo.

But even though they're there for me, deep deep deep inside I'm still scared to face this last chemo:
What else the doc's going to say?
Is my cancer spreading?
Do I need to go through another 8 set of chemo again (hopefully, not!)?
I'm so hoping that this son-of-a-bitch cancer is not spreading.

Yes, I haven't been a good girl lately.
For the love of food..
Can't really pull myself together when it comes to food.
My vegetables and fruit intake is quiet low - according to my boyfriend, and I hate to say that he's right.
Not only that, he even noticed that my water intake is somehow not enough - again, I can really punch him for being right all the time.
Well, this is more like a food confession from me: I even ate my niece KFC leftover. Even though it's just the bones I crunch, it's not like I'm inhaling the whole chicken. I also still eat some fried food - last week I found Tempe Goreng that my niece's nanny made at my sister's house. Ooooh.. it's heaven! Not too crunchy, too. Enak, booooooo.... I don't know what else I've been eating since May. I realize that my gaining weight now is supposed to be questioned: have I been eating healthy food or whatever food? Some people are just happy to see me in my doesn't-look-sick shape. Yeah, with 60 kgs who would think that I've got cancer.

Besides from these things that keep haunting me at night, I'm still grateful that I'm still able to do lots of things that I thought I won't be able to do like girls night out, work till late night, hangout with my friends, do the Body Combat exercise, bake cookies and lick the dough straight from the bowl.

I'm even grateful to see the fact that people around me are still very supportive and fussy when it comes to food (can't eat that, Steph.. or that's spicy, Steph.. or sometimes even nastier: they (or you, even, again..) take my plate away and start measuring how much I can eat.) Whatever banget gak seeeeeh... but it does something good for me - Thanks!

Tapi ya sudah.. Yang terjadi ya terjadilah..
I just keep my fingers crossed till Monday. Wish me luck! Should unexpected things happen to me, you'll be hearing it from my sister. Hehehehe..

Last, thanks for being around and always be there for me..

Let you know more with my progress after chemo.. Let's hope it's a good news.

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2 more to go

Monday the 8th, 2007 will be my 7th chemo.
That's actually 1 more chemo to go - minus the one next week.

What do I feel now?
A bit numbness at the edge of my tounge (still).
Dryer skin on the tip toes and around the cuticles
Fingers a bit numb. Not so much.. but I don't think I could stand the AC anymore.
I've been getting more cramps on my claves while I sleep at night - there was a night when I had to go through calves cramp on both legs. Jesus Christ! I'd rather die..

I've noticed that I haven't been eating good food (healthy) lately. Need more veggies and fruits. That's a hard committment to make.

At this point, I've reached my weakness in emotion. I'm so damn scared that I won't get the best result as I (and my family and friends) hope. There are moments when I keep thinking: Would I make it through? Would I have to get another set of this damn chemoteraphy? Would I be able to live for another year or longer?

Yes. I'm scared as hell.
The only thing that I can think of is that I have to live .. for my family.
Realizing that my family has sacrfice lots of things - especially my sister, is what motivated me most to live. Of course, besides my dream: my own damn family.

A promise I gotta make to my father minutes before he died: I'll take care of the family with all my strength and with whatever God give me, and, yes, I can take care of myself.
I guess that, too, motivates me, to live.

I'm so scared at this moment.. I just wish I could pass through this tiring moments of beating cancer and be a cancer survivor.

2 more chemo to go.. with lots of fear..

But at least my trip to Singapore for chemo isn't boring as it used to... A good friend and a love one is waiting.. :)

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Fight the damn cancer..

It is actually easy to fight for cancer. Not hard at all. Really!
What's hard is the temptation.

We know already that there are 3 obvious risk factors for getting colorectal cancer which includes:
1. Age
2. Family Medical History
3. Your own medical history

However, there are other risk factors that we know already but often ignored. Start with the easy one..

1. Food - yes, baby.. FOOD! Alert: your chances of getting colon cancer is higher if your diet is high in calories, protein, fat (animal fat that is) and low in calcium. How about those protein powder and the rest..? Let's give it a rest, eh? Unless if you're ready to have bumps on your colon.

2. Smoke. Quit now before you regret it. I regret I didn't quit last year. I quit on February 28, 2007. Right on Ash Wednesday. Well, did not exactly quit. More like a break (fasting) from cigarettes for 40 days (until Easter) because of some religious reason. During the break I did smoke..4 times I guess, but after that I haven't smoked again. Can you call it quit? Yeah.. I quit. I quit even before I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer stage 3. But studies shows that smokers have greater chance of getting colorectal cancer.

3. Exercise. Hey, exercise is good you know.. do it now! Once you get the disease you'd need more time for your body (i.e. not too tired). Do whatever exercise you like, but start NOW. I love Body Combat and Tae Bo and I used to do it 3 to 4 times a week. Now that I need more time for my body, I need to reduce those exercise. Of course I'm still allowed to do exercise, but not as much as before.

4. Your weight. We watch our weight from time to time. Most of the time we're scared of gaining even an ounce. And true, if you're overweight you're most likely to get colorectal cancer. Before we believed that if we're overweight we would likely to get heart disease because of the fats that cover the heart. Well, not anymore. It's either you get both or one of them. But don't you just love it if you're on the right proportion? Having extra fat in the waist area is a greater risk than having extra fat in the hips or thighs.

5. Alcohol. Hey.. do I need to give comments on this one, too..??

Have a good day everybody.. I'm going on vacation!

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How you doin..?

Up to this point of my life I feel that I'm so damn lucky to stay alive.
My treatment does good thing for me. What I still can't believe is just too good to be true.
Anyway.. I was just a bit bored in the office. Not bored to be exact, but my runny nose kept me from doing things and all I've been doing since the morning was actually listening to my iPod and read through some articles about the disease that I'm having now.

Remember that at the beginning (if you really pay attention to my blog that is) my brother was saying something about hereditary disease? Familial Adenomatous Polyposis (FAP)? Yeah, it's still colon cancer but the FAP one..
Now I just found this articles from Cancer Consultants. Hope it gives you (or whoever who has the same disease like me) clearer view of what's going on..

Familial adenomatous polyposis (FAP)
Familial adenomatous polyposis (FAP) is a rare genetic syndrome that causes hundreds of adenomatous polyps to form in the colon or rectum. Most cases of FAP are the result of mutations of the APC gene. Individuals who inherit an APC mutation are at a high risk of developing colonic adenomas and eventually colorectal cancer. Studies show that 90% of people with FAP will develop adenomas and without interventions, most people with this syndrome will develop colorectal cancer. Attenuated FAP (AFAP) is a genetic syndrome similar to FAP in which fewer than 100 polyps develop in the colon or rectum. Individuals with AFAP often have family members who have FAP. AFAP is equally as rare as FAP.

Most cases of FAP and some cases of AFAP are the result of mutations of the APC gene. Individuals who inherit an APC mutation are at a high risk for developing polyps and eventually colorectal cancer. Nearly 100% of individuals who are APC gene mutation-positive will develop colon adenomas. APC gene testing is now commercially available and the results, whether positive or negative, can assist individuals in their choices regarding future medical care.

Individuals at risk for FAP and AFAP can benefit from presymptomatic genetic testing. Both positive and negative test results can impact future medical choices and the frequency of screening procedures. A positive test result indicates that an individual has a known mutation that causes FAP or AFAP. Nearly 100% of individuals with this mutation will develop adenomas; therefore, those who test positive may use this information to increase the frequency of their screening procedures. A negative test result does not necessarily indicate freedom from risk. Individuals with negative test results may not need to undergo screening as frequently as those who test positive; however, these individuals need to be aware that they could still develop colorectal cancer, as the majority of cases are not the result of genetic conditions.

More significant than the test results is the course of action that follows. Again, the main reason for undergoing predictive genetic testing is the potential opportunity to take preventive measures against developing colorectal cancer. Many individuals who know that they are at an increased risk of developing colorectal cancer can choose to be proactive in their health maintenance and their utilization of screening procedures for early detection. While they may not always be able to prevent cancer from developing, they may be able to catch it early when it is most treatable.

Individuals with FAP and AFAP need to undergo frequent screening for polyps by sigmoidoscopy, or colonoscopy. Usually, screening in individuals with FAP or AFAP begins in the early teens. Historically once an individual with FAP or AFAP manifested polyposis, the only effective management strategy was colectomy (removal of the colon). In 2000, the Food and Drug Administration approved Celecoxib, previously approved for the treatment of individuals with arthritis, to be used in conjunction with the usual therapy for individuals with FAP. Celecoxib has been reported to reduce the number of colon polyps that develop in individuals with FAP, thus significantly reducing their risk for developing colorectal cancer. Patients should be seen in a medical center by an expert in FAP and AFAP to best understand their options.

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Lesser White Blood Cells

When I had my 4th chemo a month ago, the doctor told me that my White Blood Cell count was too low. Very low. That low that I had to take extra medication to make my white blood cell a bit higher. The doctor supplied me with 5 injection that I had to do it on my own after I finish with the Xeloda pills. The name of that medication is NEUPOGEN. This thing was injection in 5 different days and in 5 different place of the fatty tissue of my tummy, arm, and leg.

Of course this has side effect. No, duh! all medication have side effects. As for me, the obvious side effect is Headache. I also felt some chills, tho. I thought my headache came from the stress I've had recently. Hey, maybe that one, too. Actually, it really breaks my heart that I want to cry. But leave it. What comes around, goes around. Believe me.
What the hell am I talking about?? Back to Neupogen..

Here's a bit about White blood cells..

White blood cell is part of our immune system and fight infections. So, when the white blood cells is low, I can easily get infections. And what surprise me more is that it is normal because after each chemoteraphy, the white blood cells count begins to fall. When the white blood cells count fall, I could easily feel tired - which I hardly feel it. Some people also say they feel depressed at this time - and this happened to me, which I thought broken heart has something to do with it.

I got some hints to improve my low blood cells:
1. Keep as clean as you can
2. Eat healthy diet - lots of fruits, juice, especially cherry - it's good to improve the low blood cells
3. Make sure any cooked food is properly to kill off bacteria
4. Avoid injury
5. Rest when you feel tired
6. Avoid doing too much acitivity in the middle of each course of chemotherapy, as this is when your blood counts will be lowest and you may be feeling washed out.
7. Be happy!

Confused? Me, too.. :)

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